The Depressed Ninja Tow Truck Man
by Anon E. Mous
Summary: Parody of Mad TV's Depressed Persian Tow Truck Man. Not that it needs one. All spelling errors are intentional, because that's the way he talks
1. Default Chapter

If you feel blue,  
If you feel sad,  
Depressed, upset,  
Or even slightly mad,  
You'll get a big lift,  
'cause you're talking with,  
The Depressed Ninja Tow Truck Man 

Naruto and the DNTTM are sitting in a the tow truck driving along. Narto turnes to his companion. "Thanks for picking me up."

"Ees no problem."

"I'm just having a terrible day. My car broke down and nobody would stop and help."

"Heh, I weesh I had your problem. Your problem is nothing compared to the porblems I have, 'olways."

"I guess they didn't stop because I have the demon fox sealed inside of me."

"Oh, please. At least your demon is sealed. I have a demon leeving in my house, eating my food, and taking my money, 'olways."

"You do?"

"Yes. My WIFE!"

"Your wife can't be that bad."

"Oh no? My wife weighs over 300 pounds, so when she bends over you can only see only two things. The right cheek and the left cheek."

"Well, that's still not too bad," Naruto tries optimistically.

"When we get into bed every night she kicks me in her sleep, 'olways. And I only get one foot of bed. I have to sleep with only one cheek on the bed, 'olways."

"Why don't you just turn on your side?"

"We have a meerror by our bed so if I turn to that side I see her, if I turn to the other side I see her. If I see her before I sleep, I have nightmares of Beeg Foot, 'olways. I have 3 girls and 5 boys and she is still the hariest in our famely. Especially her hel-la-hel-la-hel-laaa."

Naruto grimmices "But at least you have a family. I grew up without anyone at all."

"Oh boo-hoo-hoo. I would give you my family if I wasn't sure you'd return them in an hour. Why do you think I drive thees truck. I want to get away from my family. My children are 'olways, 'Papa, give us your money,' 'Papa, you're stupid,' 'Papa, you're ugly,' 'Papa, Mama has a pool boy come by and we don't even have a pool.'"

"Well, what about your friends. I didn't have a single friend until I was 12."

"I have one frend in jail because he killed my other frend, I have one frend who 'olways takes my money, for drugs that he does not share, and one frend who takes our all three of my daughters and hel-la-hel-la-hel-laaa."

"Okay, okay. That is pretty bad, but I am shunned by our entire village, and treated like crap, just because I am the container for the Kyuubi."

"Oh, please. I am treated shunned and treated like crap, because I am a tow truck man."

"Why don't you just quit then?"

"My wife, she says 'If you don't keep bringing me your money, I kill you in your sleep,' 'olways."

"Oh, this is me. You know I was kind of sad when I came into your truck. You know I may be the holder of the Kyuubi, but at least I am not a shunned tow truck man, with a horrible wife, nasty kids, and bad friends. I feel a lot better now. Thanks."

"Glad I could help, 'olways.

You don't feel blue You don't feel sad  
You don't feel depressed,  
Or even slightly mad.  
'Cause you had a chat With an even sadder chap  
The Depressed Ninja Tow Truck Man


	2. Chapter 2

If you feel blue,  
If you feel sad,  
Depressed, upset,  
Or even slightly mad,  
You'll get a big lift,  
'cause you're talking with,  
The Depressed Ninja Tow Truck Man Who's Ignoring The Fact That These Are Kids And There's No Cars In Konoha Anyway

Rock Lee and the DNTTM are sitting in a tow truck driving along. Lee is covered in bandages and has a crutch with him, looking very down.

"Ees you all right."

Lee turns to his companion. "I'm okay, I guess." DNTTM says nothing. "Who am I kidding? Even Gai-sensei would see that I no longer have my youthful spirit.

"Heh, at leest you still have your youth. I don't even look like I have my youth. How old do I look?

"I don't know. 50?"

"I am 28."

"You are as young as your youthful spirit-"

"Let me tell you somet'ing. My youthful spirit left once I met my wife, 'olways. When I had kids my youthful spirit sent me a postcard. Eet said 'Having fun wit'out you. Glad you not here. Do not try to find me,' 'olways.

"But I can't do ninjutsu, or genjutsu, and the Hokage says that I might die if I have surgery. And I may not be able to use taijutsu like I used to. She says I may not be able to be a ninja anymore.

"At leest you had a chance to be a ninja. When I was three I said 'Papa, I want to be a ninja.' My papa said 'No. You too stupid to be a ninja, olways.'"

"Your dreams were crushed at such young age. That is sad, but it does not compare to the pain of being so close to your dream only to have it torn away."

"I weesh to Kami that someone would tear away my dreem. In my dreem I am sleeping in bed next to a hairy whale, and when I wake up I am still there. Olways."

"But at least you can still perform your dutiful services as a tow truck man in our beloved Konoha."

"Oh, please. Even if I were as bandaged as you I would still have to do my job."

"You would?"

"Yes. Because if I didn't my children would come in and kill me in my sleep. They say 'Papa if you do not bring us your money we will come into your room when you sleep, we tie you up, put bugs in your hair, and cut off your hel-la-hel-la-hel-laaa.'"

Lee cringed, but thought finally coming up with. "The girl of my dreams calls me 'Fuzzy Eyebrows.'"

"Heeeesh, at least that ees the only part of you dat ees hairy. When I take off my shirt peeple throw paint on me and say don't wear fir, olways."

"You can let me off here." The truck slows to a stop. "When I got in I was down that I may have to get surgery and never be a ninja again, but after talking to you I can say that at least I'm not a hairy truck driver with a bad wife, violent kids, and no youthful spirit. Good luck." Lee gives the good guy pose.

"Glad I could help, 'olways.

You don't feel blue  
You don't feel sad  
You don't feel depressed,  
Or even slightly mad.  
'Cause you had a chat  
With an even sadder chap  
The Depressed Ninja Tow Truck Man Who Ignored The Fact That These Were Kids And There Were No Cars In Konoha Anyway


End file.
